Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Excerpt and Giveaway for: Are You Still Kidding Me? by Stacey Gustafson





*About Are You Still Kidding Me?*


Ever finish your kid's homework? Netflix cheat on your husband? Try to explain Alexa to your mother?

If so, you’re not alone—Stacey Gustafson’s back at it again with Are You Still Kidding Me? In this hilarious and heartwarming sequel to her #1 Amazon bestseller Are You Kidding Me? My Life with an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives. Gustafson tackles the foibles of modern family life—from toddlers and teens to empty nesters—with wry wit and plenty of humor.

Grab a cup of coffee, ease into the easy chair, and be prepared to laugh out loud along with Gustafson—she may not be your new best friend, but you’ll feel like she is by the time you’ve finished these forty-five stories of family life, written by a mother who’s seen it all.


Excerpt



I Netflix Cheated on My Husband

I tried ways to end my deception, but nothing worked. To protect my indiscretion, I routinely deleted my Internet browser history, shredded phone bills and swore my friends to secrecy. I Netflix cheated on my husband.
            How did this begin you ask? I blame it on the old-fashioned dinner-and-a-movie routine. Our choices had boiled down to The Lego Batman Movie and Fifty Shades Darker. Why were we wasting our money on this crap? So, we traded a night out for a night in.
            It all started so innocently.
            Cable television options are limitless. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, HBO Now, the list goes on. No need to go to the theater when you can indulge in more than fifty hours, or five seasons of thirteen episodes. Intriguing shows like Shooter, Stranger Things, Dexter, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and House of Cards sucked us in faster than a fur ball to a Dust Buster.
            Netflix, where’ve you been my whole life?
            We clicked through cable channels and realized we’d only scraped the surface of the Netflix barrel.
            On Saturday night, we trolled the channels and found The Killing, a crime drama based in Seattle, featuring homicide detective Sarah Linden and her sidekick, Holder. It had more red herrings than a fish farm, and we were addicted by the first hour.
            “Man, this is good,” I said, after three episodes. “One more.”
            “No can do,” said my husband, shaking his head. “Got to get up early.”
            “Come on,” I said, batting my eyelashes. “Please.”
            “Fine, one more. But that’s it.”
            Season One, Episode Four, here we come.
            By Sunday evening, we squeezed in Episodes Five and Six.
            “Got to call it quits now,” he said, rubbing his eyes and giving me a glassy stare. “Up for work by six.”
            “Okay,” I said, fidgeting on the sofa. “I’m going stay up a little and read. Night.”
            “No cheating. We agreed to watch this together.”
            Think again, sucker.
            The glow of the television beckoned. What would it hurt? I slammed shut The Girl on the Train and clicked on Episode Seven. I snuggled into my soft throw blanket, popped a can of Coke and let the drama begin. Heck, I’d rewatch it the next time we were together. He’d never know. But I knew I’d crossed the line.
            I had become a Netflix cheater.
            After he left for work the next day, I thought, “What would it hurt to take a little peek?”
            Bam, hooked again, and I binged-watched five more episodes.
            Around 6:00 PM, I texted him, “What time you coming home for dinner?”
            “Thirty minutes.”
            Oh crap, he’ll be here soon.
            “Can you pick up some milk and…um…um…pimentos?”
            He’ll be searching for hours.
            I needed to buy some time to finish Season One. I couldn’t stand not knowing what was happening. Would they catch the real killer? What’s that new evidence they keep talking about?
            Suddenly, I detected the slow hum of the garage door. How the hell did he find the damn pimentos that fast? With a loud bang, the door clanged shut on the concrete floor. I hit “off” on the remote.
            He strolled into the room, and his green eyes scrutinized the screen.
            “Were you watching The Killing?”
            “No way. We promised to watch together.”
            “Where did we leave off anyway?” he said, trying to trip me up with probing questions. He clicked on the three-way light on the end table next to me.
            “Hey, turn that off,” I said, holding a hand to cover my eyes. “So bright.”
            What is this Guantanamo?
            “Well?” he asked again.
            “I think it’s the one where they discover that kid in the teacher’s apartment,” I said, wiping my sweaty hands on my pants.
            “Wrong.”
            “Um, I’m not sure,” I said, as I leaned in and heard the distinct drip of the kitchen faucet. My armpits sweated more than a hot flash.
            “Did you watch more episodes?” he said, eyebrows pinched together, as he squeezed in between the arm of the sofa and my body until our thighs touched. “You can trust me. I won’t get mad.”
            “Fine,” I blurted out. “I couldn’t help it. I Netflix cheated.”
            Seriously, dude, you’ve been out of town so much I had to get my fix.
            “Why?”
            “I’m sorry,” I said, staring down at my feet. “It’s just so good. Never planned it to go this far.”
            “Promise not to watch anymore?” he said, cocking his head to one side.
            I vowed to keep my promise, turned on the television and started scrolling for something else to watch. We’d considered binging on Shooter after watching the previews on Netflix, a drama series based on a former military sniper called back into action to prevent a plot to kill the President.
            But when I clicked on it, I noticed that the red bar underneath, the one that indicated if it had been recently viewed, had disappeared.
            What?! Holy cow, he’s Netflix cheated on me!
            I lost all sense of remorse and settled in for hours of binging on Shooter. Two can play this game.



*Find the Book*

Are You Still Kidding Me? is 99 cents now through September 30th!



  
*About Stacey Gustafson*

Amazon best-selling author Stacey Gustafson is a guest speaker, humor columnist, and blogger who has experienced the horrors of being trapped inside a pair of SPANX. Her blog, Are You Kidding Me? is based on her suburban family and everyday life. Her short stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul and seven books in the Not Your Mother's Book series. Her work appears in Midlife Boulevard, Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop, ZestNow, More.com, Pleasanton Patch, Lost in Suburbia, Better After 50 and on her daughter's bulletin board. 

She writes about parenting and daily frustrations like her dislike of the laundry, self-checkout lanes, public restrooms, Brussels sprouts, roundabouts, and being middle-aged. Her book, Are You Kidding Me? My Life With an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives, released Sept. 2014.

To learn more, visit:



*Giveaway Link*


Wednesday, September 12, 2018



This is one of the best books I have read since school began. I read it in one sitting. Julie Sims is spending the summer with her father. He has a dive business. Julie has been diving since she was very small. When she gets to her dad's house she realizes his business is quickly going down the drain. He manages to get a client willing to pay his high price.  Unfortunately, he can tell from the beginning that this father son duo is going to be trouble. With her father not feeling well and unwilling to cancel the dive, he sends his daughter Julie down with the clients. It is immediately apparent that they don't care about listening to instructions. A series of events leave Jamie, Shane and his father floating in the open ocean. Their dive boat has disappeared.  It soon becomes obvious that something has happened and that if they are to survive they are on their own.

This is one of those books where you read about a catastrophic event and think, "wow they made it" things can't get any worse, only to discover that is exactly what this author has done.  This is an intense read and one I definitely recommend.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Cover Reveal: An Unexpected Adventure by Kandi J. Wyatt


I absolutely love Kandi's books and so do my students.  Can't wait to put this one on my school shelves.



Blurb: Protect their community or protect their discovery?

For eighth graders Chace, Harley, Will, and Cherise, that’s a life-changing question after they find a dragon’s egg while hunting for thundereggs on the beach. Toss in summer jobs, family struggles, and a National Security Agent, and their summer vacation just became complicated.

Can they find a solution that won’t leave their hearts broken or their community in flames?

***

One liner: When four eighth graders discover a dragon’s egg, they must choose between protecting their treasure from the NSA or protecting their town from a growing dragon!

Mashup: E.T. meets How to Train Your Dragon


Author Bio:
Even as a young girl, Kandi J Wyatt, had a knack for words. She loved to read them, even if it was on a shampoo bottle! By high school Kandi had learned to put words together on paper to create stories for those she loved. Nowadays, she writes for her kids, whether that's her own five or the hundreds of students she's been lucky to teach. When Kandi's not spinning words to create stories, she's using them to teach students about Spanish, life, and leadership.

Where to find me:

Other Books by Kandi J Wyatt:
           

Dragon's Revenge: https://www.books2read.com/u/b5qvGb  


Dragon’s Posterity: https://www.books2read.com/u/4DA8og


The One Who Sees Me:  https://www.books2read.com/u/mdrRlb 

Journey from Skioria: https://www.books2read.com/u/4AwJee


Excerpt to share:
After a few more minutes of digging, the stone came free. Will wriggled it until we could get a grip underneath and lift it out. I really had my doubts we could pick it up; I was sure it’d weigh close to a hundred pounds or more. However, to my surprise, it came free and up without a hitch, absurdly light for its size.
“Should it be this light?” I squinted at the rock in our hands.
“I don’t know.” Will shrugged his shoulder.
Chace shifted his grip. “I’ve never seen a single rock this big before. But it should weigh more than this. I still say it’s an egg.”
I was beginning to believe him, but there were some good reasons to doubt it, too. “What bird’s this big, and how did it get here? We’re a long way from the game park.”
The game park was the closest thing to a zoo we had. They had wild animals and some pet deer, sheep, donkeys, geese, goats, and peacocks to feed. They even had an emu and an ostrich, but I still couldn’t imagine either one having an egg quite this size.
Chace shook his head. “I don’t know, but listen.” He took a free hand and tapped ever so gently on the surface.
It echoed hollowly. Before anyone could say anything, a second fainter tap came as if in reply.
“What in the world?” I exclaimed, jumping and almost dropping the thing.
“It’s an egg,” Chace said with firm conviction. “I don’t know what kind yet, but it’s an egg.”
“Wh-what do we do with it?” Will looked like he wanted to toss it in the ocean.
“We keep it.”
Both Will and Chace looked at me as if I had just turned down a shot at a five-point deer during hunting season. I don’t know what I was thinking, but suddenly a fierce desire to protect the creature inside came over me